I need help removing her.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
