when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it hurts more in the daytime
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
