Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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