Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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