tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
