Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
