Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
