Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
