I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
