Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
