considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
