so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
