he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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