don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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