all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
