RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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