Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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