I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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