you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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