addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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