I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
