life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
