hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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