oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
