He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
