Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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