let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
