his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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