Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
