i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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