mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
