i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
