he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
