and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
