He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
