I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
