I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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