he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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