My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
