I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize