How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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