you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
