Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
