I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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