i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
