somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize