Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
