guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
