my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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