oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
