you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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