did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
