i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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