omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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