I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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