You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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