I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
These tits shall not be calmed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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