I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
