I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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