Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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