oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
