So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
