broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
