Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
