If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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