Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
