the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
