I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
