come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
