i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
