Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
