just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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