I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
