Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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