OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
