U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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