He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
