He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
