I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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