Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
