It's Friday. Sex?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
