so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize