i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
