I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize