It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
