Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
