if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
