Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
