guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize