Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
