Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
try to milk me bitch
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