oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
