drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
