is your mom at the bar?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
