My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
