why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
