i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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