i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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